Mothers Have Needs Too!

Allison Gilbert, LMFT, Santa Cruz Counselor Lic: MFC 24087

Depend on Your Man

Independence vs Marriage
When I was growing up, I was weaned on Feminism.  I was taught that in order to have any power, worth, freedom or dignity in life, I needed to have my own source of income.  A career was something I could depend on - it was the prized goal.  Those women who went to college to get a marriage license were fools and losers.  Becoming an independent woman was the way to have success in life.

The Superwoman
When I became a mother, and stayed home, I felt embarrassed by the question, "Do you work?"  I thought that being home with my children meant I wasn't living up to my potential.  I had failed to live up to the "superwoman" potential because I knew that some area of my life would be a mess if I tried to run a career at the same time as performing the challenging job of caring for a newborn or toddler.

Security
Still, there was the question of income, freedom, power and worth.  How could I live a life of dignity without my own money?  Motherhood dumped me into a position of compete and utter dependency.  Here I was taking care of a human being who needed me 24/7 and couldn't do anything for himself.  How was I going to do what I was told I needed to do for my own security?  The only option I could see was to do exactly what I was told not to do:  I had to learn how to become dependent on a man!  Yikes!

Depending on a Man
Feminism made it hard for women to depend on men.  It also sort of took away what had always been a father's role and responsibility to the family.  Unless you have your child in daycare or school full-time, or are able to pay for a nanny, there's no way for you to work outside of the home.  So, it makes sense for your husband to pick up the slack and support you while you are preoccupied with his child.

It's Good for Him
Allowing yourself to depend on your man gives him a proper place in the family.  You help him to mature and grow into his own strength by giving him that responsibility and not letting him off the hook.  It can help him to feel needed.  It's good for him to have a purpose in life.  You and your child can give his life meaning.

You Deserve It
Expect to be taken care of by your husband while you are needing to let go of your paid work for the short time it takes to raise a child or children.  It'll be good for the entire family.  Your expectation could even send ripples through our society so other mothers remember they deserve to be supported by their men too.  Maybe our government will also remember the debt they owe to mothers for what we do for the future of our society.  And begin to pay us for it!  I can dream big, can't I?

2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com

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