Mothers Have Needs Too!

Allison Gilbert, LMFT, Santa Cruz Counselor Lic: MFC 24087

It's OK to Cry

What's the hardest part for you about being a mother?  What is it that truly bothers you?  Is it the isolation?  Is it the physical challenge?  Is it the parenting?  Is it the finances?  Is it your relationship with your husband?  Is it all of the above?  Do you wonder if you're just not cut out for this?  Do you sometimes feel like running away?  Are you dissatisfied with your life?

It's so important to take a look at what's not sitting right with you so you can address it.  It's OK to acknowledge the down times.  Everyone has them.  They can actually be the force that makes our lives better!  Our negative feelings inspire us to learn how to care for ourselves and set things right in our world.  It's when we run from our feelings, gloss over them and try not to feel them that we get into trouble.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "hitting bottom"?  It's used a lot in the field of alcoholism and addiction.  It relates to the idea that people sometimes just have to feel a lot of pain before they will make needed changes.  Getting out of denial about what's really going wrong can be the first step out of a bad situation.

When you feel yourself hitting bottom, find a friend or a mentor to talk to.  Find someone who will let you explore your feelings and your situation without jumping in with advice - unless you ask for it.  If you can't find someone who can listen, then a therapist can be very useful.  It's especially nice to speak with someone professional like a counselor who can be objective and can keep your deepest feelings confidential.

Allow yourself the dignity of your own feelings.  You are not alone in having them - they are universal.  It's the way we're made.  If you didn't feel pain when you touched a hot stove, you'd get burned.  Negative feelings tell you what you need to do to help yourself.  They are your key to a better life.

2006 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips

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